Category Archives: Life

Day 12: Poetry Spotlight – Not Anymore

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Not Anymore

Taking out the trash.
Getting rid of all the old shit.
Locating all the hidden treasures that squandered
     in the presence of you.

Started over.
Went from lost to found.
Spirit renewed–found a new love,
Not as costly or exhausting as the love I had
     with you.

Got it right this time.
Didn’t give way to self-doubt.
No more self-interrogation.
No longer being the criminal to the victim always played
     by you.
I realized when problems in relationships arise,
It’s usually not just one party to blame–it’s two.

I’ve washed myself clean.
Still have my issues,
But I acknowledge them and make it known.
There’s always room for improvement.
But I can be myself.
No need to hide or disguise face, as if I would at heartbreak’s
     masquerade ball.
I’ve been welcomed and accepted completely.
And did I say loved?
Loved like nobody’s business.
Loved better than I could ever dream of.
So there’s no need
     to look back
     anymore.

(c) 2009 BuddahDesmond

Day 11: Poetry Spotlight – Ain’t Worth It

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Ain’t Worth It

Why get fully vested in something that has yet to prove
     its future’s promise?
Why get emotionally involved when you still are unsure
     if he or she has your heart and you have theirs?
What’s the sense in crying over it if the tears and your efforts
     won’t change a thing?

When substance isn’t fully formed,
And the foundation is absent or still weak–
It’s too much to give your all if you haven’t seen a return…
     especially when he or she is fixed, unbending.

When the union can’t get beyond shallow matters–
Ain’t no sense looking for depth.
Cause superficial love ain’t love at all.
It’s all a facade–
A fantasy of what it could but will never be.

If you’re looking in others for what you can’t do or find in yourself–
You’re hopeless.
You’re only killing time–yours and others–
When you drag someone else along and you’re not ready
    (or you know they’re not ready) for the commitment.
The wise choice:
Go play.
Get it out of your system.
Or stay single until you’re ready.
Cause it ain’t worth it.

(c) BuddahDesmond
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Now playing: Amel Larrieux – Weary
via FoxyTunes

If There Were No Song

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Hello all! It’s been awhile – hasn’t it? I didn’t mean to be away for so long. But I’m back in school now and my schedule is like who done it and why. I’m in the dual IT/MBA degree program. Though the work hasn’t been exceptionally difficult – being up late damn near every night of the work week (and weekend) has been kicking me in the butt. I’m so tired and exhausted I’m delirious. I had three online classes this semester. One was a 6-week class. It seemed like I had more assignments and reading in that class than I had in my regular 12-week classes. I was very happy having successfully completed that class and lightening the load (ever so slightly). My grades have been pretty good thus far. At this point – balance is key. Cause working full-time and going to school part-time and not getting adequate sleep is not going work for the duration. I’ll get it together though. I have faith. With change comes adjustments. I’ll be fine.

Personally things are fine. My bf moved in officially last month. We’ve taken the next big step. And we seem to have adjusted quite well to this. We haven’t killed each other yet or had any blowout bash arguments. If something pops up or pisses us off – we talk about it right then and there. We get it out in the open and try to resolve it as best as we can. Our open-line of communication is one of the reasons why our relationship is so strong. We talk about everything. And we realize that we need to be on the same page if we want to keep things moving in a positive direction… Oh – how I love him! He’s been so good to me. He supports me like no other. He has my back. He respects, appreciates, and accepts me – completely. And he’s not afraid to go there with me or put me in place when I go off the deep end. And I lovingly, willingly, graciously, freely do the same thing in return.

As of today, I’ll be starting a project that I’ll call my “101 Days Project”This project will consist of my musings on various things in my everyday life – be it the workday, home life, music, movies, books, quotes, current events… I may be responding to something I saw, heard, or read. My responses may be take shape in the form of poetry, song lyrics, images, drawings, free writing, you name it. Anything is fair game here. It’ll be creative but also be a learning experience for me (and maybe you too). And I figured BuddahDesmond’s Rapture is the best repository for the project. Another good thing is my “101 Days Project” will get me into the habit of posting on a regular, daily basis (something I have not quite been able to do since starting this blog a little over 5 years ago). So stayed tuned as the project progresses for the next 101 Days.

Life is music. Simple. Complex. And everything in between. We’re players in it. Musicians, singers, writers, producers, and executives. Each day is a song. Each has it’s own tempo, theme, mood, depth, feeling, subject matter… Some days we’re all singing the same song in unison or different keys. Other days we’re singing our own uniquely different tunes. They’re colorful. They’re bombastic. They’re jubilant. They’re melancholy. They’re all this and so much more. If there were no song – could we live? Could we be? If there were no song – I doubt hardly that we’d exist.

Until next time… Have a great weekend!

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Now playing: Pitbull – Can’t Stop Me Now
via FoxyTunes

Blogiversary + Interview + Reviews

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Wassup Blogworld?!! Hope everything is cool. It’s been a minute since I’ve updated. Life has been keeping me busy personally and professionally. Things are going well though. I’ve been so busy I missed my own 4-year Blogiversary. Happy Blogiversary to BuddahDesmond’s Rapture! Can’t believe it’s been that long. Lots of life changes since then (all for the better – thank god). But one thing’s for sure – I’m much happier now than I was when I started blogging. I feel so much stronger, wiser, and better about various facets of myself and my life. It’s an ongoing process. The internal work is never seems to be done. Even when it’s all good there’s always room for improvement. As I reminisce, I may update this post with links to some of my favorite posts over the last few years.

Be sure to check out my interview on the Encore Status Entertainment website with indie singer/songwriter/performer Lafonda a.k.a. The Bronx Bombshell. Also, check out my review of Maxwell’s BLACKsummers’night and Vanessa Williams’s The Real Thing on the Pictures and Frames website.

Until next time, be safe. Have a great weekend!

~ BuddahDesmond

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Now playing: Chrisette Michele – Epiphany
via FoxyTunes

R.I.P. E. Lynn Harris

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I was stunned when I heard that E. Lynn Harris died. I thought it was just another hoax. But sadly, his passing was in fact true. Harris was a tremendous talent. He was the voice of a community that had often been silenced, nonexistent, or unacknowledged in the literary world. Harris’ work inspired dialogue, and opened minds and hearts. His contributions helped pave the way for many of today’s black gay contemporary writers. He was a treasure and will forever be missed.

Thank you, E. Lynn Harris, for inspiring us. Thank you for sharing our stories. Thank you for helping me, and I’m sure many others, who–at a young age–was struggling with my sexuality but learned to accept and embrace it. 

E. Lynn Harris, rest in peace. We love you!

~ BuddahDesmond

R.I.P. Michael Jackson (1958 – 2009)

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Legend.
Icon.
Innovator.
Trendsetter.
Humanitarian.

You were truly gifted.
An inspiration to many.
You were the greatest entertainer in the world.
Touched so many of us with your heart, soul, and spirit.

There will never be another like you.
So we are grateful that God kept you here as long as he did.
We are sad that you had to go so young.
But it was time.
You were called.
And now peace is finally yours.

You will truly be missed.
Your music and legacy will continue to inspire, uplift, and shape us all
You will never die.
You will always live on.
We will always love you, Michael Joseph Jackson!!!

~ BuddahDesmond

Inherent – A Throwback Poem

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What’s goin’ on folks?! Hope you had a happy, safe holiday weekend. I’m good, or shall I say better. I just got over a two-week illness this past weekend. I had an upper respiratory infection and acute pharyngitis. It was no fun. I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy. And the antibiotic made me feel worse. I’m sorry but I will never be a fan of medicine that makes you feel worse in order to make you feel better. Can I get a natural remedy instead? LOL! But luckily – all is well. I’m so happy this happened now as opposed to next month when I have to travel for business or during vacation later this summer. Anyway, I’ve been reviewing some of my poetry for a few upcoming projects. And I thought I’d leave you with a poem I wrote back in 1998 entitled, “Inherent”.

Have a wonderful week!

Inherent

For so long I
Breathed your love
Drank your air
Digested your breath
Tasted your feelings

For so long I
Savored the kiss of your lips
Devoured your kindness
Enjoyed the flavor of your touch
I lived inside your heart

For so long you
Gave so much
Maybe I didn’t give enough
But I’m inherent to you and your
Love
I live you
And oblivious of this you are not
And maybe these feelings are ambiguous
But I’m inherent to you and your
Love

~ BuddahDesmond

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Now playing: Christina Milian – Dip It Low
via FoxyTunes

I’ll Never Understand

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In our society, who you align yourself with is just as important as what you believe, your actions, your experience, and where you come from. It’s been said that the people you hang with or conduct business with say a lot about who you are as a person. I guess this couldn’t be any truer than in public office. Many persons have been tarnished by the actions of others. Whether or not those affected had anything to do with what went down, they are guilty by association. I’ll never understand why, especially if it’s over foolishness that they had nothing to do with, or when there is an obvious disconnect between their platform and that of their close colleagues.

It makes no sense to me that people automatically change their opinions of you and your character based upon the beliefs held by people that you know—especially when you’ve expressed the distinctions on more than one occasion. You shouldn’t have to distance yourself from those close to you because of a fiery speech they gave, controversial rhetoric in an article, book, or video clip, or because certain beliefs they have challenge those held by the masses. It seems to me to be more of a problem with the public and less a problem with or for you; or more of a problem for pundits, sideliners, and so-called experts.

People have to learn to accept the unknown, the foreign, and the distinctive. People have to learn to separate individuals from other people, their actions, and their beliefs. Many times these factors are not synonymous. Why should persons be alienated and vilified for actions untaken and words unsaid by them?

Though I’ll never understand this, I hope that people understand the implications, and will hold themselves just as accountable as public figures to a bar that is unrealistically high. ’Cause if you’re going to do it to others, the golden rule says the same should apply to you.

© 2012 BuddahDesmond

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Now playing: Maysa – Never Really Ever
via FoxyTunes

Buddah’s Thoughts

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  1. I was really psyched about seeing Beyonce on tour – until I found out how much the tickets were. I just can’t bring myself to pay $100+ for the nosebleed section at the Verizon Center. Plus, I’m in debt payoff mode and saving for new furniture and vacation. I had to prioritize. Looks like Bey will have to wait. I can catch the I AM…. Tour on DVD. I know, I know – it’s not the same…. But financial stability (and maintaining it) is more important.
  2. My boyfriend and I saw the new X-Men Origins: Wolverine movie Friday night. We loved it! The plot, the acting, the special effects, cinematography – all top notch! I have to admit I thought this was much better than X-Men 3….
  3. Well, the media is up to its old tricks again – fear mongering…. And you should already know what I’m referring to when I say…. The coverage of the swine flu. Living in fear – didn’t we get tired of this under the Bush Administration? Has anyone learned anything yet? Being afraid is not going to help us get over this pandemic any sooner. We need to be prudent and do our best to safeguard ourselves. We have to be a little smarter about this folks…. And looking to the media is not always the answer….
  4. And is there anything else to report on other than Miss California’s viewpoints on marriage? It’s overkill at this point. Who care? This is America. Everyone can say or feel what they want. The problem comes in when you are browbeating others into thinking, feeling, and believing the same way. I have no problem with her viewpoints. I don’t agree with them but it’s not stopping me from believing what I believe or how I’m living my life. (See my post On Marriage for more.)
  5. There are certain things that shouldn’t be discussed at work. Politics, sex, religion, certain aspects of relationships…. I could go on and on. You usually have discussions about this at orientation and get documentation from HR regarding this…. But people do it anyway. You need to however, be very careful because you never know who is listening and who might be offended by what is said regarding any of the topics listed above. Oh the conversations that I’ve heard – it’s mind boggling. Thank god I can tune things out with music…. It’s been my saving grace many-a-day.
  6. It’s amazing how deep connections can be between friends. It doesn’t matter what happens, the distance between you, how often you see or speak to each other – there’s something that just keeps you linked. You can pick up where you left off with ease. You remain each other’s constant supporters. I’ve noticed this so often with my closest friends. It’s truly a great thing!
  7. I have ongoing issues with mainstream music. I’m not sure when or where everything went amok but very little seems to fascinate me. As I get older, I seem to fall in love more and more with “grown folks music”. Music that not only sounds good but has a purpose. It makes you think, feel, laugh, cry, dance…. It’s real, never contrived. It doesn’t follow trends and isn’t derived from some tired, ole formula. It’s art. And it’s obvious when listening and seeing artists perform that they do it for the love of music and not for the money.
  8. I’m looking forward to hearing Chrisette Michele’s new album, Epiphany, to be released this Tuesday, May 5th. Her debut was one of 2007’s best R&B/Soul releases. And I expect nothing but great music on the new release. I can’t stop playing “Epiphany” and “What You Do”. And I just heard “Blame It On Me” on Saturday (and that may become a new favorite as well).
  9. Can you believe it – Maxwell has new music coming out? The first part of his trilogy BLACKsummers’night will be released on July 7th. The first single “Pretty Wings” is a masterpiece. It’s classic Maxwell and a welcomed addition to keep in rotation. It’s been 8 years since his last studio album. If “Pretty Wings” is any indication – it’ll be well worth the wait.
  10. I’m really looking forward to the summer. Being able to catch up on my reading. Hanging out with friends and family. Going to concerts and other events. The beach. Vacation. And spending quality time with my baby…. 🙂
  11. After a long break, I’ll be heading back to the gym. I paid for a new membership at Bally’s this Saturday (great deal by the way – $29.99 a month/no initiation fee). I’ll be working out at least 3 days a week. I’ve lost about 8-10 pounds without working out. It’s now time to up the ante. The goal is to be healthier and stronger. Gotta make life changes and stick to them.

Oh well, that’s it for me. Got to finish getting ready for the work week. Until next time, peace, love, and many blessings!

Time Waits (for No One)

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I’ll live like forever is now
Because time waits for no one
And tomorrow just may not come ’round
Because time waits for no one
When we’re gone
Only love goes on
~ Gloria Estefan, “Time Waits” from Unwrapped (2003)

Hello to all out in blog land! Hope all is fab in your world. It’s been so long! I’m good though. Guess you can say I’ve been on a blog sabbatical. Life has been moving so fast lately and I find myself increasingly busy. At this point, I’m just trying take some time and enjoy breathing. Today was one of those days where I didn’t feel like doing anything and that was my mission. Sit back, relax, and reflect….

I have to say that the last 8 or so months have been the happiest I’ve been in quite some time. My professional life is going well. My work has received quite a bit of praise and I was recently awarded with a merit raise. I was very happy about that. I hope to continue to improve and advance in my current position and whatever opportunities that stem from it.

Personally, my love life has never been better. My boyfriend and I have been together for about 8 months. And it just seems to keep getting better. We can’t get enough of each other. We are so very much in love with each other. Life would be so much different without him in it. And I can’t see my life without him in it. He’s the one! And I am so thankful, so grateful to have the love that I’ve longed for and searched so hard to find.

I’ve fallen in love with my friends all over again. They continue to amaze me, push me, inspire me, uplift me, support me, love me… And every chance I get I pay them back in kind. Since so many of my friends are several miles away, we don’t get to see each other (sometimes don’t get to talk to each other) that often. So the moments we do have whether they be in person, over the phone, text, IM, or email – are cherished. We’ve all been thru so much. And we’ve been there for each other thru it all. I couldn’t ask for better friends. I thank god for putting them in my life.

And I love my family. As crazy and dysfunctional as it can be, they’re my foundation. I can’t help but root for them. Even during the bad times. It’s unfortunate that we’re not as close as we used to be. I continue to pray for the day when the petty b.s. is no more and we all can get back to where things should be. I will always be indebted to them for their love, care, and support – my mother and my grandmother especially. They’ve been my rocks….

I guess I say all this to say that the events of the last few months have left me in a reflective, introspective mood. These are trying times for everyone. One of my best friend’s at work lost her dad on February 13th. My boyfriend lost his grandfather and an uncle on March 13th and an aunt less than a week later. My mother was diagnosed with another form of cancer and had to go into surgery on March 20th. Luckily, she made it through without any complications. Due to her medical history, we still have to keep an eye on everything. And hope and pray that after this go round the cancer doesn’t return. All we can do is hope and pray for the best. Play your part and then give it up to God.

Though I realized this before, as I get older it sticks more so now….Life is too short not enjoy it and live it to it’s fullest. It can all be gone in a flash. So you’ve got to give it your all. Love hard. Play hard. Dream big. Go after everything you want. Don’t let anything stop you from doing what you’ve been put on this earth to do. Own it. Own everything (as RuPaul would say….lol!). And I’m going to own everything! As Gloria Estefan sang, time waits for no one. This is our time. We’ve got to make the best of it…. And on that note, I wish you all well. Enjoy your weekend. Catch up with you later….

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Now playing: Gloria Estefan – Time Waits
via FoxyTunes