Category Archives: Relationships

Day 67 – Remembering Luther Vandross

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As of this month, it’s been 7 years since Luther Vandross’ death.  And I think I can speak for many of his beloved fans (myself included) by saying that we still miss him dearly.  His catalog of music is rich, vast, and seemingly more relevant now than ever.  A true balladeer, Vandross sung about love and relationships with such passion, tenderness, and intensity.  His music touched a cord with many, because there was a soulful sensitivity and vulnerability within his voice that made him immediately relatable.  Like Whitney Houston, Luther Vandross was in a class all by himself.  There never will be another like him.  We will forever sing his praises.

Below, I’ve include a poem featured in my book Prevail written in tribute entitled, “Luther is Love.”

Luther Is Love

Luther—
Or Loofah, as some of us called you—
Still in denial about your passing on,
Doesn’t seem real.
Gone too soon,
But never, ever forgotten.

Luther—
The silky smooth voice,
Flawless,
Full of passion and emotion,
Consummate artistry and professionalism.
A rare commodity,
Especially in the world of contemporary music.
You will remain in a class all your own!

Luther—
Exemplifying class and grace on and off the record.
Media seems to want to “out” you now,
But whatever your sexual orientation, it wasn’t and isn’t an issue.
Media also seems to want to make a big deal about your weight,
But that was just as insignificant with us as well.
It’s the contributions you made that matter;
It’s who you were as a person that matters.

Luther—
You sang in a way that made us feel like you were singing only to us,
Expressing all that we were feeling.
It was a musical connection that became deeply personal and spiritual.
You’ve touched us in so many ways.
For you, we are forever grateful.

Luther—
You spoke of love in all of its splendor.
You are the balladeer of love,
One of the greats.
Your music and spirit will continue to move us eternally.
You will always be loved,
For you are love.

Luther is love!

© 2012 BuddahDesmond

Day 61: We Need You

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To us–you are our everything.
We depend upon you for our way of life.
We need you to nurture us, guide us, and protect us.

Even though we sometimes go about our days as fearless as can be,
We need you,
Sometimes more than you know.
That’s why it hurts us so when you don’t hear us,
When you don’t see us,
When you aren’t listening or paying attention to how we feel or what we’re trying to say.
And we internalize it, thinking it’s something that we did to make you act this way,
not knowing–or always aware—that what happens or has happened to you
or what affects your mood and how you treat us often has nothing to do with us.
But how can we know when you don’t know how or are scared to talk to us openly and freely?
We may not be grown but it doesn’t mean we won’t understand.
And if we don’t, we can at least try.

What we often don’t understand is why we get hurt so
when we don’t get what we need from you,
Or when we get taken advantage of.
It’s a whirlwind that can leave us lost;
Some of us sadly never find our way back home.
But those of us that do successfully breakthrough.

You may not fully comprehend how much we need you or how much you need us,
But one without the other simply isn’t right.
If you would only think about the great impact you have on us–so much would change in this world.
Just imagine, this world could become the world we’ve always dreamed of.
And what a world that could be.   

© BuddahDesmond

Day 46: Without You

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The pain hit me all at once.
I thought I was going to pull through.
It’d been three weeks since you left.
Didn’t feel a tremor or shed a tear.
And suddenly, it was like the environment in the instance of a landslide–it just keep coming
And I’m wondering when it’ll stop.
Guess you meant a little more to me than I cared to admit.

I couldn’t let the emotions get the best of me while in the relationship,
But they’re tearing my ass up right about now.
I can’t seem to keep my composure.
I’ve never fallen this deep.
I feel like pavement and the a loss of love pounds me incessantly.

All I know is I have to pull thru this.
But I don’t know if I can make it without you.

© BuddahDesmond

Day 43: Closure

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I’ve searched my mind so many times in the last few days
     to find whatever it is that I did to be whited out, erased,
     terminated from the picture.
The search results came back null.
Even when I did boolean, it rendered my time and efforts useless.
I’m still trying to understand how it all got to this point,
     and why everything feels so disjointed.

All I want is a reason—
     A real reason.
Aren’t I good enough for that?
Aren’t I deserving at the very least of that?
Maybe you acted in haste,
     but the actions still remain unchanged.
At least respect me enough to tell me what I did
     that was so wrong— 
So I can properly move on,
So I can learn,
So I won’t repeat what made me obsolete
     in a world I was led to believe I belonged in.
But as as we know now—we were both wrong.

For the sake of closure—could you just fill me in?

© BuddahDesmond

Day 41: Apologies

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If you really meant what you said, why apologize?
Anyone could feel the words,
they were jam-packed with passion.
Could the presentation have been different?
Yes.
Could your tone have been less caustic?
Yes.
If anything, you should apologize for how you said what you said.
Otherwise it’s meaningless.
Phony apologies don’t suffice in any instance.
Unless it’s sincere and heartfelt–keep it to yourself.

(c) BuddahDesmond

Day 37: Love & Bills

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“Love don’t pay the bills!”  How many times have we heard this statement?  If we could cash in every time we heard it, we’d probably have some hefty bank accounts.  While it may be true, shouldn’t we be digging a little deeper?  Love is more powerful than money.  More spiritual.  More meaningful.  Money is tangible but does not last forever.  Love is ever-lasting.  Once you’ve got it–you’ve got it.  You may not always be in love.  But you will always love and be loved.  That’s what makes you rich. 

Whether you’re by yourself or in a committed relationship–you’ll find a way to pay the bills.  With love on tap, you’ll work to find a way.  That’s if you want to.  That’s if you care.  That’s also when faith, loyalty, devotion, and due diligence come into play.  Money can bring you lots of things, but love is not one of them.  And love can bring many things as well…  So much so that you may not realize how truly blessed you are.  Maybe that’s what The-Dream was getting at on Love Vs. Money…  Well, one hopes that’s what he meant. 🙂

Day 34: Communication

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Sometimes when I say “I wonder why I bother,” it’s due to some miscommunication or misunderstanding.  But I can never own up to it as being a sole responsibility of mine.   Communication is typically not a one-way happening.  If you end up in a place where I didn’t intend to take you (and vice versa), it’s the responsibility of both of us to get back to where we each need to be.  We have to work together, actively listen, pay attention, and make light of confusion or pinpoint where issues need to be addressed.  That’s the only way we will ever be able to successfully communicate with each other.

Day 33: Loving Yourself

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There’s no way in the world that anyone can tell me that you can love fully and completely when you don’t love yourself.  You cannot let go.  You cannot really embrace.  You cannot allow yourself to fall.  You’re too guarded.  Too scared.  Too worried.  Even if you find someone who loves you the way you need to be loved, total acceptance still won’t be possible.  You’re too blocked.  You’ve got too much personal baggage.  You’ve got to release it.  You’ve got to fall in love with yourself before you can really allow someone else to love you.

Day 30: Obligation & Convenience in Relationships

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Two things that can keep someone in a relationship are convenience and obligation.  After a particular span of time, people get complacent.  They become very comfortable with where they are.  Even when they know they deserve better – they stay.  They’d rather suffer than make the move on to something better suited for themselves.  They also may be weary of hurting their mates feelings.  And they may be feeling that staying (because of the time put in – amongst other things) is what they’re supposed to do.  Well, you’ve got to think about your heart.  If after all this time things still haven’t changed or don’t look like they will change – it’s time to go.  Doesn’t matter what or who you’re leaving behind.  Happiness and joy are not worth your accommodating someone who is not meant for you.  Why suffer in silence?  Put yourself first.

Day 28: Getting Beyond Blame

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We have the power to make great changes in our lives. Our power, in this vein, can manifest in both good and bad ways. At times, we can be our best champions or our worst detractors. And when we detract from ourselves—time to recover and recoup can be lengthy. After a certain phase in our lives, it matters not whether others or we were to blame for our misfortunes. That’s because the responsibility for the outcome and our personal resolution(s) remains with us. This responsibility cannot be placed elsewhere. No scapegoating or excuses, because our power and our choices will be at play. It’s imperative that we use our power and make choices wisely.  We must get beyond the blame.