Slowly surely
I walk away from
self-serving
undeserving
constantly hurting me love
deserting me love
you said, I said, we said
but
~ Jill Scott, “Slowly Surely,” Who is Jill Scott? Words & Sounds Vol. 1, 2000

If you haven’t figured out from my previous posts yet, DP and I broke up. After 2 1/2 years, I had to walk away. It wasn’t the love that I wanted anymore. It wasn’t fulfilling my needs. After putting so much into it, I felt slighted. I felt shortchanged. I felt used. Because I wasn’t getting back what I was putting in. The effort, the support, the openness wasn’t being reciprocated. So I had to move on. The relationship was over long before it ended. I just had yet to open my eyes wide enough to see it. Though I saddened about our relationship’s demise, I was thoroughly relieved. Content that I’d finally let go of what had been bringing me down for some time.

While I prefer to be in a relationship, I can do without the suffering, the heartache, the longing, and the pain. Lately, I’ve been enjoying the single life. I’ve been enjoying this time of reflection and introspection. I know that the next time will be quite different. And most of all, I’m going into this next period of life and love with no expectations. That way I don’t get my feelings hurt too soon, too fast. And though it’s only been a few months, new love seems to be on the horizon again. But I’m taking my time with it. No need to rush it. I’m just letting it flow – slowly, surely, easily, naturally. There’s no hurrying love. A hurried love is one that will turn on you. It’s one that will let you down. One that you won’t be able to depend upon. Can’t be having that! LOL! Until next time — love, peace, and many blessings!

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Now playing: Jill Scott – Slowly Surely
via FoxyTunes

It’s about that time. I feeling the need to get rid of some dead weight. I don’t need the start of the new year to signify change. It’s just a feeling that you get when you know you’re veering off track. You’ve been led astray and you’re trying to get back to where you need to be. Somewhere amidst graduation, the new job, the relationship, moving, traveling, and all of the family/personal drama – I got lost. I got caught up. I lost focus on what I set out to achieve. I let everything (and everyone) dictate what my existence should be. But no more! Never again. As the saying goes, “I may be down but never out!”

I know this is shorter than my average post, but sometimes being concise is the only way to get the point across. I’ll be back with another post within the week. Hope everyone in the blogworld is well. Until next time…. Peace, Love and Many Blessings!

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Now playing: Teena Marie – Ooo La La La
via FoxyTunes

Another month gone by as the summer of 2007 is jockeying for the title of “fastest summer ever”. Next thing you know everyone will talking about XMAS shopping. That is the very last thing I want to think about. So what’s been going on in Buddah’s world? Not a lot and I’m enjoying it that way…. Well, at least for this moment.

After being the dynamic duo at work, my supervisor and I, we are now a team of four. We’ve welcomed two new team members who are very intelligent, creative, and enthusiastic. I think they’ll do very well. We’ll be able utilize our resources better and accomplish a great deal more. I’m looking forward to the prospects.

After gallivanting through the streets nights and weekends for the last several months (like a gypsy with no home), I’ve taken reprieve. This is probably the second weekend in some time where I did absolutely nothing. Isn’t nice to chill out for a change? I’m sure all of that will change next month. The calendar is beginning to fill up with engagements. More on that as that in other posts.

I also spent some time at home. My mother has been experiencing a lot of pain lately due to osteo-arthritis in her legs and bone spurs in her lower back. I had to help set up the office so she would be able to work from home. She’s loving it and wishes she could work from home until she retires. If you had to deal with the b.s. from the cunts that she works with on a day to day basis you’d prefer to work from home too. She’s been working from for about a month now. She experiences some pain every now and then but she doesn’t let it stop her. She’s always in good spirits. And she’s been through a lot. She had her last chemo treatment at the end of April and the cancer is in remission now. She’s been a trooper through it all. If there is anyone I can look to for inspiration it’s my mother. Because of my mother and the example she’s set I know that anything is possible. I’m happy she’s still with us.

As for things between DP and I, they are a lot better than they were six weeks ago. We’ve worked through our issues and we’re going to be fine. I didn’t want to walk away from what we have and neither did he. We just had to get over ourselves and be honest with each other. Things happen. There’s always a reason. Nothing is ever perfect. And this was our latest test (many more to come I’m sure). Of course things would be better if he was here permanently. If I had my way – he would be here. We would physically be together. But anything worth having is worth waiting for. The date of his arrival is set for sometime in November. And the anticipation and excitement continues to build….

And here’s to two years of blogging! “On and on. And on and on. My cipher keeps moving like a rolling stone.” E. Badu couldn’t have said it any better. Until next time…. Be true. Appreciate what you have. Let the blessings flow.

It’s me again…. I’m back after what seems like ages. Like TV….. It seems like I go through more mid-season replacements than ABC. I can’t make any promises the next time, cause who knows what will happen in this show called “Buddah’s Life.” I can say that life has been exciting these last several weeks. Exciting, entertaining, depressing, scary, emotional, extraordinary…. You get the picture. I attended and volunteered at DC Black Pride (my first time doing either and I had a great time), went to a special screening of the DL Chronicles (acted, written, and directed very well), attended a conference in Austin, TX (met some really nice people while roasting alive in that Texas heat), and had a very brief rendezvous with someone I’ll call QD. For anyone who’s been reading over the past few months, you’re probably wondering – well isn’t Buddah in a long-distance relationship with DP? Are they still together? Did Buddah cheat on DP? Well, yes, yes, and no.

We’re still together. As much as we’ve been trying to make it work, it hasn’t been easy. We were doing fine but the distance has been taking its toll on the relationship. (15 months and counting, 5000+ miles away, 5-6 hour time difference depending on the time of year–you get it the picture?) I don’t care but after a certain period of time – talking on the phone isn’t enough. You need something a little more substantial. At a certain point, we started talking about having our cake and eating it too while we’re away from each other. DP said that because of our situation he wouldn’t feel bad if I had my fun on the side as long as I told what I was doing and when. He said he wouldn’t be mad as long as I was honest with him. I found this hard to believe. In the back of my mind I knew this was a big test. Well as I hinted earlier, something did happen (with QD). Wasn’t planned or expected (and damn if it wasn’t GOOD!!!). Guess I failed the test, huh? Oh well….. So I told DP about it and, as I had expected, he flipped. We fussed, fought, and argued and things just haven’t been right since. I’m like Faith Evans (without the coke) trying to figure out where we stand.

Will we come to our senses and get it together? Will we take a break until we’re at least back in the same state? Or will we be like that famous jazz standard and call the whole thing off? Stay tuned for this is an episode in “Buddah’s Life” with multiple parts. Until next time, don’t be as wild and crazy as I’ve been. Second thought, be wild and crazy. Just try to get back to the middle. As a very dear friend told me, this is your time. It’s time to do for you. Do what makes you happy. Don’t let anyone steal your shine!

Well it looks like I’m on the one post a month plan. I really wish I could post on a (semi-) regular basis but with all that’s going on (and with my ADD-LOL!) it’s difficult. There’s always hope for the future. So how have I been? Ok, I guess. Busy as usual. Seems like I’m always playing catch up.

Work is good. Duties are increasing. I’ve been doing a lot of planning and preparation for the next round of user testing. It looks like we’ll be staying put for this and the other testing projects in the queue. If we do any traveling it’ll probably be sometime this summer (or early fall). In June I will be going to a conference in Austin, TX though. It’ll be my first time going to TX. I’m excited. This will be yet another great networking opportunity in a great location. I can hardly wait. I’ll be sure to pack comfortable clothes since it will more than likely be HOT.

Family life has been eventful to say the least. For the last several months, several of members of my family have been ill. Some in and out the hospital. My mother recently finished with chemotherapy and after being out for six months, will be returning to work soon. My grandfather was in the hospital for heart and kidney problems. My grandmother just got out of the hospital this weekend for heart issues. And I just got word today that my great-grandfather is in the hospital for what may have been a stroke. (And my other grandmother was in and out of hospital due to illness as well). As my grandmother said earlier today, “When it rains-it pours.” All we can do is hope and pray that all will be well. Whatever The Creator deems necessary is what will be.

I’ll be taking some vacation days around Memorial Day weekend (finally). Though I’ll be staying the DC area, I’ll be attending and volunteering at some of the DC Black Pride events. This will be my first attending (and volunteering) at a Pride. I have absolutely no idea what to expect. I just know that I better behave myself since I’m already spoken for (LOL!). If nothing else, I’ll have some fun and meet some new people.

I’ve also been trying to get reacquainted with the DC area. So much has changed since I was away at school. What used to be so familiar has become quite unfamiliar to me. It would probably be a little easier to navigate if I had as many friends here as I did when I was at school. It seems like I had to start all over again in the social department of my life. I’m not sure that I’m like this aspect too much right now…. But I guess I just have to keep rolling with the punches. Maybe the social butterfly will have returned by summer.

DP and I have seem to be having quite a few disagreements too. We’ve said some things too each that we didn’t mean to say. You know how that goes. I know I’ve been more hot-tempered than usual. I think it’s due to us being away from each other for so long. This long distance thing is killing me. I’m beginning to see why long distance relationships don’t last and why people avoid them at all costs. Long distance relationships are hard work. It’s so hard, so very hard. It’s so easy when you have easy access to each other (when you live in the same city or at least in the same state). But when you’re thousands of miles apart it’s rough. When you really need or want each other you can’t be together. And that’s probably the hardest part of it all. Sure you’ve got phones, emails, IMs, text messages, videos, and pictures. It’s not the same and it will never add up to the real thing. In the same breath, I guess it’s better than nothing. We haven’t killed each other or broken up. These trials will only make our relationship and us that much stronger….. As I continue to yearn for DP’s love and anticipate the next moment we’ll share together….

Check out my reviews at Pictures and Frames Magazine. Until next time, peace, love, and many blessings! Be safe!

Hello All! It’s been too long. Life is crazy busy right now. I just back from a business trip last night and may be going on two more trips within the next month or so. There are several releases coming up for new applications at work so it looks like I’ll be working a little later and traveling more. With the schedule filling up and time not being my own, I ask myself one question…. “When am I taking a vacation?” And the reply, “I have no idea but it better be soon!” I have no idea where (or when) but I hope it’s somewhere far from the east coast. I would really love to leave the country…. Maybe go to Paris, London, or Capetown…. But lack of planning (financially and otherwise) puts this temporarily on hold. If I go anywhere it will probably be somewhere within the 48 contiguous United States.

Though work has been busy it’s been going very well. We recently had performance appraisals and I found out that I got a raise. My boss told me that he was very happy with the progress I’ve made. He went on to say that my work has been excellent and that I have exceeded expectations in several areas. And if my progress is any indication, he anticipates event greater things from me in the future. Hearing this made my day! I was very proud (and grateful for the validation).

Aside from work, I’ve been hanging out with a few people from work and catching up with friends. Despite the various mode of communications we have today, I am finding it increasing harder to stay in touch with folks. Emails, voicemails, text messages, IMs, blogs–it’s starting to be a bit overwhelming. There’s only so much my attention span can tolerate before experiencing communication (and information) overload!

There’s a lot more going on but too much to discuss for this post. Until next time, I hope you have a happy and safe weekend! Peace!