If I Had My Way

Another month gone by as the summer of 2007 is jockeying for the title of “fastest summer ever”. Next thing you know everyone will talking about XMAS shopping. That is the very last thing I want to think about. So what’s been going on in Buddah’s world? Not a lot and I’m enjoying it that way…. Well, at least for this moment.

After being the dynamic duo at work, my supervisor and I, we are now a team of four. We’ve welcomed two new team members who are very intelligent, creative, and enthusiastic. I think they’ll do very well. We’ll be able utilize our resources better and accomplish a great deal more. I’m looking forward to the prospects.

After gallivanting through the streets nights and weekends for the last several months (like a gypsy with no home), I’ve taken reprieve. This is probably the second weekend in some time where I did absolutely nothing. Isn’t nice to chill out for a change? I’m sure all of that will change next month. The calendar is beginning to fill up with engagements. More on that as that in other posts.

I also spent some time at home. My mother has been experiencing a lot of pain lately due to osteo-arthritis in her legs and bone spurs in her lower back. I had to help set up the office so she would be able to work from home. She’s loving it and wishes she could work from home until she retires. If you had to deal with the b.s. from the cunts that she works with on a day to day basis you’d prefer to work from home too. She’s been working from for about a month now. She experiences some pain every now and then but she doesn’t let it stop her. She’s always in good spirits. And she’s been through a lot. She had her last chemo treatment at the end of April and the cancer is in remission now. She’s been a trooper through it all. If there is anyone I can look to for inspiration it’s my mother. Because of my mother and the example she’s set I know that anything is possible. I’m happy she’s still with us.

As for things between DP and I, they are a lot better than they were six weeks ago. We’ve worked through our issues and we’re going to be fine. I didn’t want to walk away from what we have and neither did he. We just had to get over ourselves and be honest with each other. Things happen. There’s always a reason. Nothing is ever perfect. And this was our latest test (many more to come I’m sure). Of course things would be better if he was here permanently. If I had my way – he would be here. We would physically be together. But anything worth having is worth waiting for. The date of his arrival is set for sometime in November. And the anticipation and excitement continues to build….

And here’s to two years of blogging! “On and on. And on and on. My cipher keeps moving like a rolling stone.” E. Badu couldn’t have said it any better. Until next time…. Be true. Appreciate what you have. Let the blessings flow.

Back to the Middle

It’s me again…. I’m back after what seems like ages. Like TV….. It seems like I go through more mid-season replacements than ABC. I can’t make any promises the next time, cause who knows what will happen in this show called “Buddah’s Life.” I can say that life has been exciting these last several weeks. Exciting, entertaining, depressing, scary, emotional, extraordinary…. You get the picture. I attended and volunteered at DC Black Pride (my first time doing either and I had a great time), went to a special screening of the DL Chronicles (acted, written, and directed very well), attended a conference in Austin, TX (met some really nice people while roasting alive in that Texas heat), and had a very brief rendezvous with someone I’ll call QD. For anyone who’s been reading over the past few months, you’re probably wondering – well isn’t Buddah in a long-distance relationship with DP? Are they still together? Did Buddah cheat on DP? Well, yes, yes, and no.

We’re still together. As much as we’ve been trying to make it work, it hasn’t been easy. We were doing fine but the distance has been taking its toll on the relationship. (15 months and counting, 5000+ miles away, 5-6 hour time difference depending on the time of year–you get it the picture?) I don’t care but after a certain period of time – talking on the phone isn’t enough. You need something a little more substantial. At a certain point, we started talking about having our cake and eating it too while we’re away from each other. DP said that because of our situation he wouldn’t feel bad if I had my fun on the side as long as I told what I was doing and when. He said he wouldn’t be mad as long as I was honest with him. I found this hard to believe. In the back of my mind I knew this was a big test. Well as I hinted earlier, something did happen (with QD). Wasn’t planned or expected (and damn if it wasn’t GOOD!!!). Guess I failed the test, huh? Oh well….. So I told DP about it and, as I had expected, he flipped. We fussed, fought, and argued and things just haven’t been right since. I’m like Faith Evans (without the coke) trying to figure out where we stand.

Will we come to our senses and get it together? Will we take a break until we’re at least back in the same state? Or will we be like that famous jazz standard and call the whole thing off? Stay tuned for this is an episode in “Buddah’s Life” with multiple parts. Until next time, don’t be as wild and crazy as I’ve been. Second thought, be wild and crazy. Just try to get back to the middle. As a very dear friend told me, this is your time. It’s time to do for you. Do what makes you happy. Don’t let anyone steal your shine!

Something Is Better Than Nothing

Well it looks like I’m on the one post a month plan. I really wish I could post on a (semi-) regular basis but with all that’s going on (and with my ADD-LOL!) it’s difficult. There’s always hope for the future. So how have I been? Ok, I guess. Busy as usual. Seems like I’m always playing catch up.

Work is good. Duties are increasing. I’ve been doing a lot of planning and preparation for the next round of user testing. It looks like we’ll be staying put for this and the other testing projects in the queue. If we do any traveling it’ll probably be sometime this summer (or early fall). In June I will be going to a conference in Austin, TX though. It’ll be my first time going to TX. I’m excited. This will be yet another great networking opportunity in a great location. I can hardly wait. I’ll be sure to pack comfortable clothes since it will more than likely be HOT.

Family life has been eventful to say the least. For the last several months, several of members of my family have been ill. Some in and out the hospital. My mother recently finished with chemotherapy and after being out for six months, will be returning to work soon. My grandfather was in the hospital for heart and kidney problems. My grandmother just got out of the hospital this weekend for heart issues. And I just got word today that my great-grandfather is in the hospital for what may have been a stroke. (And my other grandmother was in and out of hospital due to illness as well). As my grandmother said earlier today, “When it rains-it pours.” All we can do is hope and pray that all will be well. Whatever The Creator deems necessary is what will be.

I’ll be taking some vacation days around Memorial Day weekend (finally). Though I’ll be staying the DC area, I’ll be attending and volunteering at some of the DC Black Pride events. This will be my first attending (and volunteering) at a Pride. I have absolutely no idea what to expect. I just know that I better behave myself since I’m already spoken for (LOL!). If nothing else, I’ll have some fun and meet some new people.

I’ve also been trying to get reacquainted with the DC area. So much has changed since I was away at school. What used to be so familiar has become quite unfamiliar to me. It would probably be a little easier to navigate if I had as many friends here as I did when I was at school. It seems like I had to start all over again in the social department of my life. I’m not sure that I’m like this aspect too much right now…. But I guess I just have to keep rolling with the punches. Maybe the social butterfly will have returned by summer.

DP and I have seem to be having quite a few disagreements too. We’ve said some things too each that we didn’t mean to say. You know how that goes. I know I’ve been more hot-tempered than usual. I think it’s due to us being away from each other for so long. This long distance thing is killing me. I’m beginning to see why long distance relationships don’t last and why people avoid them at all costs. Long distance relationships are hard work. It’s so hard, so very hard. It’s so easy when you have easy access to each other (when you live in the same city or at least in the same state). But when you’re thousands of miles apart it’s rough. When you really need or want each other you can’t be together. And that’s probably the hardest part of it all. Sure you’ve got phones, emails, IMs, text messages, videos, and pictures. It’s not the same and it will never add up to the real thing. In the same breath, I guess it’s better than nothing. We haven’t killed each other or broken up. These trials will only make our relationship and us that much stronger….. As I continue to yearn for DP’s love and anticipate the next moment we’ll share together….

Check out my reviews at Pictures and Frames Magazine. Until next time, peace, love, and many blessings! Be safe!

Coming Around Again

Hello All! It’s been too long. Life is crazy busy right now. I just back from a business trip last night and may be going on two more trips within the next month or so. There are several releases coming up for new applications at work so it looks like I’ll be working a little later and traveling more. With the schedule filling up and time not being my own, I ask myself one question…. “When am I taking a vacation?” And the reply, “I have no idea but it better be soon!” I have no idea where (or when) but I hope it’s somewhere far from the east coast. I would really love to leave the country…. Maybe go to Paris, London, or Capetown…. But lack of planning (financially and otherwise) puts this temporarily on hold. If I go anywhere it will probably be somewhere within the 48 contiguous United States.

Though work has been busy it’s been going very well. We recently had performance appraisals and I found out that I got a raise. My boss told me that he was very happy with the progress I’ve made. He went on to say that my work has been excellent and that I have exceeded expectations in several areas. And if my progress is any indication, he anticipates event greater things from me in the future. Hearing this made my day! I was very proud (and grateful for the validation).

Aside from work, I’ve been hanging out with a few people from work and catching up with friends. Despite the various mode of communications we have today, I am finding it increasing harder to stay in touch with folks. Emails, voicemails, text messages, IMs, blogs–it’s starting to be a bit overwhelming. There’s only so much my attention span can tolerate before experiencing communication (and information) overload!

There’s a lot more going on but too much to discuss for this post. Until next time, I hope you have a happy and safe weekend! Peace!

Normal?

What is normal?
This question has popped up a lot lately.

Is it pink hair, tattoos, body piercings, and dark clothes?
Is it oversized hoodies, baggy designer jeans, Timbs, and over-the-top bravado and swagger?

Is it the $900,000 condo in a metropolitan area?
Or a cookie cutter single family home in the suburbs?

Is it blue collar or white-collar work?
Or how about a get-rich-quick plan?

Is it traditional? Or is it conventional?
Is it revelatory? Or is it revolutionary?

Is it the big house with seven bedrooms, six full baths, a picket fence, Lexus GS, two kids, and an American Bulldog?
Or is it an unashamed, refusal of the American dream?

Is it conservative or liberal?
Is it republican or democrat?
Is it capitalist, socialist, or communist?
Or is it apolitical?

Is it mainstream or underground?
Is it male, female, or trans?
Is it straight, gay, bi-, multi-, or asexual?
Is it married, common law, or a civil union?
Is it Christian, Hindu, Muslim, Buddhist, or atheist?
And is race, class, or culture a factor?

Wait a minute …
Does normal even know what normal is anymore?
Let’s face it:
We’ve come a long way…. Or have we? (Okay; that’s another poem for another day!)
We’ve evolved into so many different things
With a variety of tastes, likes, dislikes, desires, wants, needs, and dreams.
But the more things change, the more things stay the same
If you look a little bit closer, we tend to be more alike than we are unalike.
So instead of forcing people into what we think is right,
Or how we think people should live
(Translation: what we’re comfortable with),
Just let people be.

And remember—just because it was right for you don’t mean that it’s right for everyone else.

© 2012 BuddahDesmond

SomberHappyDays

We’re in the thick of the holiday season now. So you know what that means? The year is just about over. It’s the most wonderful time of year they say. I beg to differ. It’s a mixture of extremes – both good and bad. The bad – people getting killed over playstations, fighting over the absence of holiday paraphernalia in public, an unjust war raging, and leaders who continue to dodge the truth, lack integrity and accountability (and that’s a brief list). The good – the Dems winning control of Congress (not getting my hopes up just yet), Donald Rumsfeld getting fired, and the general public finally getting the wool from over their eyes. And for those of us who were fortunate enough – we’re still living. If you’ve got the essentials in life – then you’ve got every reason to be happy. Family, friends, a home, food, clothes, love, a decent job, good health – what more can you ask for? In the same breath, it’s these things that so many of us take for granted.

We often forgot how fortunate we are. And it’s for the many things we have in this life that we should be not only thankful but grateful. And if you can, to try to give back to those who provided for your and those who have fallen on hard times. Instead of going for broke on Black Friday and the shopping days leading up to Christmas, how about putting your time, money, and energy into something more meaningful? Like building up your community, supporting the causes and volunteering at the organizations that really need the help, or simply investing more into your own family legacy.

I don’t mean to be on my soapbox but things have hit me a little harder this year than most. Maybe it’s because I realized that all of the things I used to value don’t really mean anything. And the things I used to worry about would only create more stress and heartache, which only makes things unnecessarily worse. There’s so much that I have and I’ve only begun to really appreciate it. I cannot take for granted what I’ve been given and those who provided for and supported me along the way. Therefore, I have to continue the mission that I started while back in school. And that’s simply doing for others what’s been done for me. And it doesn’t have to be anything big. Sometimes it’s the small things that have the greatest impact. And it’s not only going to be during this time of year. If I have my way, it’ll year round. It all begins with us. So many of us say we want the world to be better. But if we want it to be better, we have to make ourselves better before we can expect the world to follow suit.

More to come later. Until then, I wish you all the best!

Buddah’s Thoughts

I had some things on my mind that I wanted to share. Some of which are related to the events–political, personal and otherwise–of the last few weeks.

1) I’m sure several millions of people are happy that the Democrats are in control of both chambers of Congress. Considering the events of the last four years, it was a sweet victory that many were predicting and anticipating weeks/months before the elections. The people finally spoke. They were sick of all the lying, cut-and-run shenanigans, and hypocritical philandering. The people finally woke up. And I guess you could say the Democrats finally woke up too. After all, it only took four years for the Democrats to get some balls and stand up for what they believe in. And now that the Democrats have control of Congress, the crème de la crème here is whether they will actually use their power to make a difference. Several reports have been written (see USA Today for 11/10/06) about how both parties are committed to working together to make a difference. Call me a cynic or pessimist, but I find it hard to swallow this premature joining of forces. How can both parties collectively join forces when they can barely do it independently? Maybe I’m being too hard on our representatives. But as citizens it is our job to be hard on our elected officials. Especially when they are slipplin’ and trippin’. Let there be any scandals in the Democratic Party and we’ll probably be in the same place all over again. I’m not going to jump on this bandwagon anytime soon. I’ll believe the rhetoric when I see some results. All I can say is the next two years should be quite interesting.

2) And in lieu of the Democrats recent victory, I’m convinced Donald Rumsfeld was fired. They can say whatever they wish when they address the public during press conferences, but we all know the real deal. Again, that idiot did not resign he was FIRED!!!

3) There really is no need to start worrying about who’s going to run for President in 2008. We need to focus on the here and now. Besides, whoever inherits the mess that the Bush administration has left behind will have their work cut out for them. I’ll be praying for them.

4) I was so happy to see the recent pictures of Whitney Houston at the 17th Carousel of Hope Ball. She looks amazing. I really hope (as I’m sure many others do) that she pulls through this time. Getting away from Bobby may be just what she needs to do it. And good news for all Whitney Houston fans is she’s already in the studio working on new music. And if all goes well, it will be another great triumph in her legendary career and yet another of the music industry’s greatest comebacks.

5) I don’t know if it’s just me or not but didn’t you find many of the high profile, highly anticipated releases of the year been downright mediocre (at best)? Save for a few, I have not been impressed by much of the much released this year. What happened to R&B/Soul music this year? Where is Maxwell? Where is Musiq? Where is Erykah Badu? Where is Lauryn Hill? Has anyone seen D’Angelo? A few years ago, it seemed like everytime you turned around a new release by a major or up-and-coming artist was being released. Or maybe the industry is saving all the good stuff for the holiday shopping season.

6) Justin Timberlake should be very thankful and grateful to Timbaland for lending his creative genius to his latest release LoveSexy/FutureSounds. Cause he may not have had two number one hit songs (“SexyBack” and “My Love” feat. T.I.) out the box otherwise. And while we’re on the topic of JT…. It has to be said – Justin Timberlake did not bring sexy back. It never left!!!

7) And where are all of the male soul singers? Not these mediocre, Stevie Wonder, Michael Jackson wannabes that get played every five minutes—but the real soul singers. There’s Will Downing, Rahsaan Patterson, Urban Mystic, Jaheim, Kenny Lattimore, Gerald LeVert (RIP), and where do you go from there…. Many of the aforementioned artists don’t get airplay on top 40 or major urban stations. I guess there’s no interest in people with real talent and who make real music in the mainstream anymore.

8) Why do long distance relationships have to be so hard? I’ve been in a relationship for almost a year now (it’ll be a year in December). Of the time that we’ve been dating, we’ve been together physically in the same state for only four months. We are 5 time zones and several thousand miles apart. It’s really starting to get on my nerves. I can’t stand it! If I was thinking with my other head I could’ve said fuck it a while back and played the fields. But I don’t get down like that. And besides, I’m not trying to mess up a good thing. If anything, our time apart has helped the situation. It’s made things stronger. And our time of being apart is coming to close next month, right around our anniversary, and this time it will be for good. Thankfully, cause I don’t either of us would be able to stand being away from each other that much longer.

9) After getting my first big job after graduation and moving into my own place I’ve learned that being on your own is not easy. I’m beginning to see why so many people stay with their parents, live with or depend upon others for so long. And I now know what my mother meant when she would say she was broke and I would ask for something and she’d say we didn’t have any money for that…. She would tell me that what I was asking for was a want and not a need. If it didn’t have anything to do with keeping a roof over our head, food in our stomachs, and clothes on our backs, it wasn’t a priority. I don’t know that I understood it completely when I was little but I definitely understand it now. Budget, budget, budget!!!

10) After I finish traveling for work, I’ve convinced myself that I need to join a local gym and get back on my workout regimen. I’ve been off of it a few months and it is starting to show. And I’m not liking it one bit. I may go all out this time and get a trainer. I have some goals and I know what it is that I have to do but I do need some motivation. Eventually I’d like to have a home gym. I’ve got some space so it could work.

11) And sadly…. Rest in peace to two beloved people that we lost this week – Ed Bradley, a pioneer for Blacks in journalism and Gerald LeVert, one of the greatest soul singers/performers of his generation. They will truly be missed.

Buddah Returns

Damn…. I haven’t made a post since August 12th…. I didn’t know it’d been that long. Well, I’m back!!! Don’t know for how long but I’m here nonetheless. Every so often you life takes you away from everything. It forces you to take a step back and appreciate, evaluate and just breathe!!! The last post I wrote a few days before I started my new job. I’ve been working for a little over two months. So far so good. No complaints. I haven’t encountered any drama or met any people that I’d like to give a severe tongue-lashing to or cut (or both)… LOL! I’ve got plenty to do to keep me busy. And starting next week, my team will be traveling to a few regions to do some user testing on a few web applications that will roll out soon. It should be interesting I’m sure. And who can complain about free travel?

The only downer about my job is that my supervisor will be taking a new job in a different department after the New Year. Just when you’re getting used to the way things work – change happens. And he was already in search of finding another analyst for the team. So that means we’ll be looking for two new hires. Oh well… More to look forward to. As long as my supervisor gives me a good evaluation before he leaves or when my orientation/probation period is up (which ever comes first) – that’s all that matters. Oh yeah, the orientation/probation period is six months. This is the longest I’ve ever had to endure a period of sorts. But the positives outweigh the negatives because you get more than enough time to get comfortable with your job, your team, and culture of the organization. Enough time to learn from your mistakes, prove yourself, and impress the people that approve the timesheets.

What else has happened? I moved into my own place almost three weeks ago. So I’m really feeling grown now. Oh the bills! NOT FUN! LOL! It’s going to be a little tight through the holidays but the most important thing is that I have a roof over my head, food in my belly, and clothes on my back. I’m slowly but surely making touches of me into my new home. I figure I should be fully acclimated by the time my orientation/probation period is up – which is around my birthday, mid February. Maybe then I can throw a little house warming party. Mmmm….

I’m halfway through Juan Williams’s book Enough: The Phone Leaders, Dead-End Movements, and Culture of Failure That Are Undermining Black America–and What We Can Do About It. An excellent, very well written book. It’s a must read. I’m also loving Janet’s 20 Y.O., Monica’s The Makings of Me, Amos Lee’s Supply and Demand, Natalie Cole’s Leavin’, The Brand New Heavies Get Used To It, Ben Harper’s Both Sides of the Gun, India.Arie’s Testimony, Vol. 1, Life and Relationship, and George Benson & Al Jarreau’s Giving It Up.

That’s about it for now. I better continue to listen out for the door. My new furniture is supposedly on the way. I had to take off today so it better be here TODAY. I don’t want to unleash the hounds but if I have to I will…. LOL! Until next time, peace, love and many blessings!

Getting Ready for the DC Takeover!

In just a few days, I’ll be on a plane headed back to my beloved DC. I can’t wait! Most of my stuff is already on its way home. Just got to pack my bags for the plane and do the last round of trash and cleanup and it’s a wrap. I’m very excited. But all of this is kind of surreal. It always seems like everything major in my life happens so fast. I barely have enough time to get acquainted after moving so quickly from one thing to the next. But I’m going into this new phase with a clear, open mind and a positive attitude. I’m sure everything will be fine. And if anything crazy pops up, I’ll find a reasonable way to handle.

This move is kind of bittersweet too. Visiting places in the area I would frequent–knowing that this would be the last time (or last visit for awhile) that I would be present. I’m leaving a place that I’ve spent a significant period of time in. It was an environment that fostered so much knowledge, wisdom, and growth–mentally, physically, socially, and personally. I’ve met so many great people–many of which who’ve become very good friends, mentors, and great social contacts. I’ve had the experience of rising, falling, and rising again. After all that I’ve endured, I feel like I’m ready to face whatever may come my way. I’ve certainly come into my own up here in Rochester, NY aka Da ROC.

But Da ROC is also a place that I’ve despised too…. Any chance I was given to get away, believe me, it was taken without hesitation! The lack of sunlight. Feeling like you’re buried under an artic tundra with all of this snow, sleet and freezing rain. The difficulty of finding something of interest to do when you’re bored (not a problem in DC). The pain of everything closing so early (definitely not a problem in DC). Poor public transportation system (not to worry about in DC either). All the unnecessary drama and bullshit you have to go thru to get the degrees. Wankstas and fake thugs (this is a problem not limited to Da ROC I know)…. Though it’s hard to admit, I’ll miss this place. Now it’s time to start the next phase of life in a familiar city. But the difference will be experiencing it, this time, all on my own.

Hope you’ve recovered from the serious meltdown that occured this week. It was hotter than a witch’s coochie outside. I was out for a little bit and hurried my ass back inside so I could get to the AC! This is not my weather. If the craziness of the weather conditions isn’t a sign of things to come then I don’t know what is. Oh well, it’s 2 in the morning. I need to get ready for my date with the pillow. I’ve been seriously lacking in the sleep department. With work starting in another week, I have to make sure I get as many hours in as I can (sleeping on the job is not an option).

Have a wonderful weekend!

BuddahDesmond’s Rapture – 1st Anniversary!!!

Wow…. I’ve been blogging for one year. Time sure does have a way of escaping you. So much has happened. Where to begin? Well, I successfully completed all of the classes for my masters and graduated. I started writing as a music reviewer for my school magazine and for my friend Lily’s online magazine Pictures and Frames (I’ve been on a hiatus though due to school and trying to find my first real job). I received several certificates and rewards for the time, service and contributions I’ve made to my school over the last six years. I’ve grown so much closer to many members of my family and to friends. I’ve found a new love (going strong for eight months now). After almost six years, I cut off my dreads. And I’ve begun the ongoing mission of freeing myself from all the things that used to tie me down. I know I’ve probably forgotten some things but that’s a pretty good summary.

As for the next phase, let’s see…. Continuing on with my mission of physical fitness (not only losing weight but striving to be healthier in general). Starting my new job as an Application Systems Analyst in the next three weeks (I’m excited)! I get to go back home. (You know, it doesn’t matter where you go or how long you stay there. Nothing beats home.) Finding and then moving into my own apartment. Continuing to write one (if not both) of the novels I’ve been neglecting. As always more poetry. Hopefully some performances in and around the DC area. Making some new friends, catching up with some old ones. And becoming a better blogger. And whatever else comes up. Oh yeah, and I can’t forget about this one…. Taking a real vacation–away from everything (I don’t even want to take my laptop, let alone my cellphone).

You know I’ve actually been so busy that I missed the true one-year anniversary of my blog…. The real date was July 10th…. But as they say, it’s better late than never! A celebration is a celebration! Oh well, sleep calls…. Got to go to the gym in the morning!

Hot Summertime Fun, Peace and Love to all!