Category Archives: Relationships

Buddah’s Thoughts

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I had some things on my mind that I wanted to share. Some of which are related to the events–political, personal and otherwise–of the last few weeks.

1) I’m sure several millions of people are happy that the Democrats are in control of both chambers of Congress. Considering the events of the last four years, it was a sweet victory that many were predicting and anticipating weeks/months before the elections. The people finally spoke. They were sick of all the lying, cut-and-run shenanigans, and hypocritical philandering. The people finally woke up. And I guess you could say the Democrats finally woke up too. After all, it only took four years for the Democrats to get some balls and stand up for what they believe in. And now that the Democrats have control of Congress, the crème de la crème here is whether they will actually use their power to make a difference. Several reports have been written (see USA Today for 11/10/06) about how both parties are committed to working together to make a difference. Call me a cynic or pessimist, but I find it hard to swallow this premature joining of forces. How can both parties collectively join forces when they can barely do it independently? Maybe I’m being too hard on our representatives. But as citizens it is our job to be hard on our elected officials. Especially when they are slipplin’ and trippin’. Let there be any scandals in the Democratic Party and we’ll probably be in the same place all over again. I’m not going to jump on this bandwagon anytime soon. I’ll believe the rhetoric when I see some results. All I can say is the next two years should be quite interesting.

2) And in lieu of the Democrats recent victory, I’m convinced Donald Rumsfeld was fired. They can say whatever they wish when they address the public during press conferences, but we all know the real deal. Again, that idiot did not resign he was FIRED!!!

3) There really is no need to start worrying about who’s going to run for President in 2008. We need to focus on the here and now. Besides, whoever inherits the mess that the Bush administration has left behind will have their work cut out for them. I’ll be praying for them.

4) I was so happy to see the recent pictures of Whitney Houston at the 17th Carousel of Hope Ball. She looks amazing. I really hope (as I’m sure many others do) that she pulls through this time. Getting away from Bobby may be just what she needs to do it. And good news for all Whitney Houston fans is she’s already in the studio working on new music. And if all goes well, it will be another great triumph in her legendary career and yet another of the music industry’s greatest comebacks.

5) I don’t know if it’s just me or not but didn’t you find many of the high profile, highly anticipated releases of the year been downright mediocre (at best)? Save for a few, I have not been impressed by much of the much released this year. What happened to R&B/Soul music this year? Where is Maxwell? Where is Musiq? Where is Erykah Badu? Where is Lauryn Hill? Has anyone seen D’Angelo? A few years ago, it seemed like everytime you turned around a new release by a major or up-and-coming artist was being released. Or maybe the industry is saving all the good stuff for the holiday shopping season.

6) Justin Timberlake should be very thankful and grateful to Timbaland for lending his creative genius to his latest release LoveSexy/FutureSounds. Cause he may not have had two number one hit songs (“SexyBack” and “My Love” feat. T.I.) out the box otherwise. And while we’re on the topic of JT…. It has to be said – Justin Timberlake did not bring sexy back. It never left!!!

7) And where are all of the male soul singers? Not these mediocre, Stevie Wonder, Michael Jackson wannabes that get played every five minutes—but the real soul singers. There’s Will Downing, Rahsaan Patterson, Urban Mystic, Jaheim, Kenny Lattimore, Gerald LeVert (RIP), and where do you go from there…. Many of the aforementioned artists don’t get airplay on top 40 or major urban stations. I guess there’s no interest in people with real talent and who make real music in the mainstream anymore.

8) Why do long distance relationships have to be so hard? I’ve been in a relationship for almost a year now (it’ll be a year in December). Of the time that we’ve been dating, we’ve been together physically in the same state for only four months. We are 5 time zones and several thousand miles apart. It’s really starting to get on my nerves. I can’t stand it! If I was thinking with my other head I could’ve said fuck it a while back and played the fields. But I don’t get down like that. And besides, I’m not trying to mess up a good thing. If anything, our time apart has helped the situation. It’s made things stronger. And our time of being apart is coming to close next month, right around our anniversary, and this time it will be for good. Thankfully, cause I don’t either of us would be able to stand being away from each other that much longer.

9) After getting my first big job after graduation and moving into my own place I’ve learned that being on your own is not easy. I’m beginning to see why so many people stay with their parents, live with or depend upon others for so long. And I now know what my mother meant when she would say she was broke and I would ask for something and she’d say we didn’t have any money for that…. She would tell me that what I was asking for was a want and not a need. If it didn’t have anything to do with keeping a roof over our head, food in our stomachs, and clothes on our backs, it wasn’t a priority. I don’t know that I understood it completely when I was little but I definitely understand it now. Budget, budget, budget!!!

10) After I finish traveling for work, I’ve convinced myself that I need to join a local gym and get back on my workout regimen. I’ve been off of it a few months and it is starting to show. And I’m not liking it one bit. I may go all out this time and get a trainer. I have some goals and I know what it is that I have to do but I do need some motivation. Eventually I’d like to have a home gym. I’ve got some space so it could work.

11) And sadly…. Rest in peace to two beloved people that we lost this week – Ed Bradley, a pioneer for Blacks in journalism and Gerald LeVert, one of the greatest soul singers/performers of his generation. They will truly be missed.

On Marriage…

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So many marriages are crumbling. Whether it’s people in the spotlight or people in our personal lives. Marriages currently seem to be more like short-lived excursions instead of life-long, fruitful journeys. At this rate, the only couple who looks like they’re going to make it is Whitney & Bobby. Recently, I told two of my friends (who’ll be tying the knot June 2006) if they end of like Babyface and Tracey Edmonds I’m going to cut them both. But seriously, where are the marriages/relationships like Ruby Dee & the late Ossie Davis? You know, marriages like our great-grandparents, grandparents and quite possibly our parents….When the love just seems to get stronger and stronger and the relationship seems to get better and better. When problems arise and they’re able to keep it civil, work it out and stay together….

Today, it seems like people are getting married for all the wrong reasons. Lust. Money. Security. Because a baby is on the way. Not because you want to but because it’s expected. First and foremost it’s supposed to be about love. At the same time, marriage is a business. Once you sign that contract, you’re making an arrangement between you, your spouse and the state (or government). Maybe this part is irrelevant. Then again maybe not. My point is this—why get married if your heart isn’t in it? Why make these arrangements or this commitment if this isn’t the person you truly love and desire? If you’re marrying only for security, what happens if it turns out to be a false sense of security? Marrying for children or because there is a child on the way doesn’t seem to be any better, especially if one (or both) of you has resignations about going thru with it. As we all should know, the children will be affected either way. Even more so if they have to endure unstable, hostile relations between parents who really don’t want or need to be together.

It should be a requirement that before you walk down that aisle, make sure he or she is the one. You also need to make sure you really know each other. There’s nothing worse than getting some unexpected surprises down the line. If there’s something you want or feel you need to know, you better ask! You need to discuss money, children, jobs, relocating, etc., before you jump over that broomstick. Because it’s so easy for any relationship to end, but it’s work if you want the relationship to last. If one person is trying and the other person fails to even make an attempt, you’re going to have some issues.

Another hot component to this discussion is the sanctity of marriage. But this typically comes up with yet another hot button issue—gay marriage. In all honesty, gay marriage is not going to burn down the house of holy matrimony. Newsflash everyone—the sanctity of marriage was already in jeopardy long before the gay marriage debate began. Take a look at TV today. When you have reality shows (really faux reality shows) like The Bachelor, The Bachelorette, Who Wants to Marry My Dad?, Wife Swap, Trading Spouses, and the like, it signifies a big problem in our society with marriage. There are larger issues to consider when statistics say that marriages nowadays are more likely to end in divorce. How about considering many of the following questions: Why people don’t stay together? Why people commit adultery? Why people lie? Why fewer people are deciding to get married? And just how does gay marriage threaten anyone’s idea of marriage? You’re not directly influenced by it – especially if you’re involved in an altogether different relationship. So still, how does it affect you at all? And furthermore, what right does anyone have in invalidating another’s relationship by saying their relationship is insignificant (because of their sexuality)? But I digress.

Maybe the other part of this discussion needs to be reconsidering whether a traditional relationship is right for you. You may not be a fan of traditional. You may want a relationship that’s a bit more radical. Possibly an open relationship. A committed relationship without the basis of monogamy. Or maybe you want the fruits of traditional marriage without all the hoopla. As far as I know, no correlations have been made specifically stating that relationships more often than not fail to endure if there’s been no exchange of rings or a formal ceremony. Marriage, the idea or the actual experience, is not for everyone. You may have to walk down the aisle a couple of times before you figure it out (sadly). But hey, that’s just how it goes.

With all the many wonderful things that we encounter and achieve in this life, isn’t it just nice to share them with someone you love? Someone that’s got your back. Someone that’s always going to be there. Someone you can have great conversations with, cuddle with, laugh with and cry with. Someone that you can rush home to each and every night.

Isn’t this the overall goal? Is it possible? Or is this just wishful thinking? I think that it is possible. But I can only go on what I’ve experienced, what I’ve been exposed to and what I believe. I sincerely hope that the forecast calls for brighter, lighter conditions on the marriage/relationship front for everyone.

What do you think?

Piece: A Poem

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Everybody’s got their own piece of the world.
It’s the place in which they
     live, dwell, work and play.
Many would call this place home,
But it can be so much more than that.
This piece of the world is their zone of solace, joy and comfort
     keeping them centered and grounded.
This piece of the world you call your own is a part of you —
So open up,
And let someone get to know you better.
By sharing your piece of the world with them,
You’ll be astounded by how much you’ll learn —
You’ll be amazed at how your piece of the world connects
     with others.

© 2005 BuddahDesmond

Claiming to Know: A Poem

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I never thought I’d see the day when people would use the Lord’s
     words in vain.
The Good Book has been used to support every ill within society.
There’s no exception to this, even now.
With people using The Word against each other —
Not knowing while in defense they’re spewing more words of hate.
This contradiction is the cause for my current disdain.

I’m left wondering what happened to the love?
What happened to respect?
What happened to decency?
The current regime is using its religion to support a political agenda.
They think they’re sounding righteous when speaking for the people,
When in actuality they’re catching feelings and taking it personal;
     it’s sacrilegious and totally obscene.

I’m left asking what happened to the separation between church and state?
I was under the impression that religion had no place in politics.
I thought there was freedom to choose.
But I’ll be damned if somebody’s going to tell me how I’m supposed to live,
     What I’m supposed to think,
     And how I’m supposed to feel.
I have an individual relationship with God.
We’re cool;
And nobody can tell me otherwise.
No preachers, no priests, no nuns, no family, friends or strangers at that.

No human being can ever take precedence over the Supreme Being
     because of infallibility
We’re not perfect.
We’re flawed.
So what makes you think that the real message didn’t get lost in translation
     or in our current interpretation?

Everybody’s claiming to know the deal.
Everybody’s claiming to know The Word.
Everybody thinks they got The Good News.
Everybody’s claiming to know,
But claims aren’t totally legit.
Besides, no one’s really going to know anything…
     until Judgment Day.

© 2005 BuddahDesmond