An unknown
A stranger
A new being
that I didn’t recognize
something you wished you’d left on the shelf
instead of bringing home with you
This foreigner came in and
changed everything
What I used to be
What I used to do
was usurped
forgotten
discarded
The old me became this new being
And I thought nothing of it in the
beginning
I made excuses for you and your
behavior, the things you said, and
the things you did
It was okay
I thought it was me
I was so lost in you
that I lost me

I eventually saw you, me, us
the situation for all that it
was worth (and not worth)
And I, eventually, grew
tired
I was exhausted from giving so much
And nothing being rightfully reciprocated
I was disgusted
Because I bent over backwards
Was hanging out on a limb
Living on the edge
And it seemed you didn’t appreciate it
So the good thoughts began to lessen
I dreaded your calls
I was disgusted with you
But I was more so disgusted
with myself for allowing
this to fester
I was so lost in you
That I forgot who I was

So I had to reclaim what
was rightfully mine
to get back to me
I had to let go
I had to embark on a new personal
journey
to find me again
I had to end it with you
So that I could
start anew with me

~ BuddahDesmond

Sad to say
but our union has come to a pass
At a point we were linked like no other
Joined, one
But something seemingly cosmic
changed the feeling
We lost our rhythm
Fell out of sync
Danced to entirely different beats
Some otherworldly thing
changed our space, our time
Though the love remains
All that should hold it together
unraveled
And we began to diverge….

Me
Left feeling the cold
While you were embraced with warmth
Emotions expressed
You say you do
But your actions fail to show that
you understand or know
Where I reside is a place
you can’t seem to get to
I’ve given you directions
but you still end up lost
The sad part is that
you fail to see it

Maybe when you do
A great shift in thought, feeling,
perspective – a realization
will occur
And at that point
You will see not
only where I went wrong
But where you went wrong
where we both went wrong
And you should be able to move on
Hopefully wiser
Having learned a great lesson
about how to love

~ BuddahDesmond

—————-
Now playing: Phyllis Hyman – Souvenirs
via FoxyTunes

Lately I find
You coming across my mind
More often than I’d care to say
It’s been some time
Since we’d last seen or spoken to each other
So it should be okay
If I care or wonder how you are

For a short, but significant moment in my life
You were the one
It was a love we shared
That I’d never experienced
Or could compare to anything before or after
I’d found happiness
In a new and exciting way
I’d found another way to spend my time
Without worry or apprehension
I didn’t mind making
Time for you

So when our lives shifted us into other directions
I was saddened
Deeply hurt
But I knew it was best
For both of us
We had to move forward
We ended on good terms
But since that time
We lost touch
And I was simply wondering
How you were
What you’ve been up to
And if I could still call you a friend

Though I may not be in love with you
Forever, I’ll love you

~ BuddahDesmond

Happy holidays! Be safe. Enjoy!

—————-
Now playing: Keyshia Cole – Give Me More
via FoxyTunes

Happiness seems to be a fleeting thing as of late
The closer I get to it the further it seems to move away
I know you can’t find it in others
And it rarely, if ever, can be found in tangible
     possessions
It’s a right we all have
But many seldom find

In my case
It’s a longing and loneliness that haunts my existence
That nothing seems to distill or quench
I hunger for things I have to wait for
I thirst for a time in my life when I’m completely free
     of the past’s pull and society’s bite
I’m yearning for something I think is simple

I’ve got a history of high expectations and asking for
     too much
And it’s even surprising to me when the conditions
     are met
But this is simple in a conventional and spiritual sense
Nothing too complex
     (or so it seems)

I guess I’ll just have to dig a little deeper
Look inside a little longer
Till I find all that adds up to being
     H-A-P-P-Y

~ BuddahDesmond

—————-
Now playing: Annie Lennox – Primitive
via FoxyTunes

Ok, here’s a poem I wrote back in high school (in the 11th grade to be exact). This one always seems to stand out. It’s a trip when you go back and read your older works.

The Best Thing, My Love

It’s the
Pulsating rhythms of my heart
You give
The beating of drums of my pulse
I live
It’s the syncopated breaths that I breathe
It’s the ruckus of sound in my ears
You made leave
It’s that music you helped make of me
That 12/8 measure in my eyes
I see
I’m in love

It’s that explicit
Nature of your luscious lips
That carried that lyrical content
To my lips
That continuously rolls
Number one songs
For hour tolls
We sing tastes
Of albums haste
You made me play the piano with
My hands
You strum the guitar
Of my abs
My body is
The bass you play
By plucking or playing with
The bow-like fingers
On your hands
You are the best thing,
My love

© 1998 BuddahDesmond

Must’ve really slipped off the
cliff this time
I’ve tripped up before
but never like this
I’m hangin’
out on a limb
The only thing keeping me secure
is this rope and harness
But for how long?
It’s only a matter of time
before it all snaps
And my reality will change
forever

Can’t keep waiting
Gotta get to safety
But there’s no one here to help me
The rescue team is on vacation
I’m here just hangin’
The wind is pickin’ up
Looks like another storm
is on the way
And I’ve realized now that
the only person who can save me
is me
I’ve got to pull myself up
from this limb
Can’t let it all crumble
Everything that consumes my existence
Breaking as soon as it hits
the ground
Can’t let it all go to waste

Gotta clean up this mess
of my life that I’ve created
Gotta stop letting foolishness
and events of the past
hold me back
Gotta pull up
Gotta take hold
regain that unrelenting,
strong grip
on life
Gotta take control of me
and my life again
The dictatorship of the outside world
ain’t gonna win anymore
with me
Gonna be unstoppable again
Gonna be unbreakable again
Gonna be me again
Or else be stuck
just hangin’
out on a limb

© 2005 BuddahDesmond

Well, here’s a poem that I wrote last week….It hits very close to home (especially in regards to some of the family drama that occurred this summer). It’s entitled:

It’s Obvious

It’s obvious that you’re hurting
And that you’re in need of support
Or else you wouldn’t be here today
It’s obvious that something’s been
going on for longer than the story you’ve told
The half-truths and lies that you forgot you told–that we caught you telling–gave it all away

It’s obvious that we’ve always been there
Whether you were cognizant of it or not
You however weren’t always receptive
The door was completely ajar
We never excluded you
–You on the other hand did the complete opposite
in regards to everyone else

It’s obvious that if we didn’t love you–that if we didn’t care–that if we didn’t support you
You would not have set foot across this threshold
We would not acknowledge each other’s presence let alone
give a shit about each other’s well-being

It’s oh so obvious
If we wanted you out
we wouldn’t have had any second thoughts of putting the x on your spot
We wouldn’t be here trying to intervene
And get you the help that you need
Your actions recently have raised eyebrows and strengthened concerns
For crying out loud you were
M.I.A.–We had to request an investigator to try to find out where you were
And you’re going to come over here and scream
and blaspheme and raise hell
Because you’re not getting the so called support you want

Well, get this
It’s obvious
oh so obvious
That the support and love we’re giving
may not be what you want
But it’s the support and love
that you need

© 2005 BuddahDesmond